BORRACHO

 Dr. Lorenzo Pelly's dog Borracho is dead.


The esteemed physician found his best friend lying dead by the side of the resaca that runs behind his home on Robins Lane.

"He wasn't a handsome fellow because he was the odd mixture of a chihuahua and a pit bull," said Dr. Pelly in his patio after burying his pet in a backyard garden. "But he was one of those rare examples of those beings whose bite was bigger than his bark."

Borracho was only five years old. Dr. Pelly fears he may have been poisoned. Borracho had escaped the doctor's house on several occasions and had bitten as many as six neighbors.

"Borracho wasn't well-loved," continued Dr. Pelly. "The police had visited my home recently with a complaint, but since I had treated the parents of both policemen and saved their lives, they asked me to please keep Borracho chained. Keep Borracho chained! I said to myself. That would be like telling Donald Trump to stop telling lies. Borracho was a free spirit.

"When I found him, his mouth was covered in foam. Bill Young, my next-door neighbor, didn't care for Borracho, but when I told the retired newsman that Borracho was a Republican, he took that as a positive and was willing to overlook Borracho's other frailties. I don't think that Bill would kill."

Dr. Pelly explained that Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss had given him Borracho as a Christman gift along with a bottle of Malbec. Dr. Pangloss said that the father, a pitbull, had literally crashed through his wooden fence and impregnated his chihuahua Petunia.

"The first time I held Borracho he bit me, but there was a machismo in this mutt that I admired. He would have been a great mascot for the bloggers: He never took shit from anyone! I will miss Borracho. He was fiendishly funny. I would give him a shot of tequila and he would turn into a cat. I have never seen a dog scale a tree like Borracho. He was quite unique.

"Dr. Pangloss told me that Petunia is ready to burst again. He says the father is a Great Dane. He says that I can have the pick of the litter. 'I don't know,' I told Polyphemous. 'I really don't know.' I have this image of a gorilla impregnating a human. I'm really not sure."

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