GRINGO DE MAYO AWARD
Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully, the founder and publisher of The McHale Report, has been designated the recipient of this year's Gringo de Mayo award. The famed writer edged out Port Commissioner Ralph "El Grito" Cowen.
Dr. McHale-Scully, who arrived on the border in 1975, was cited for his many contributions to education, athletics, journalism, culture, politics and the community.
Joe Kenney, the owner of Cobbleheads and the third-place finisher in the competition, expressed an acute bitterness about Dr. McHale-Scully's selection.
"You're kidding!?!?" exclaimed a disgusted Kenney. "That Irish Prick won!?!? He's fuckin' Black Irish. He ain't got no respect for nobody. He does nothing but throw gas on fires. He once wanted me to hire him as a bartender at my establishment. 'Are you fuckin' crazy!?!?' I told him. 'You would cost me my business.' Tell me this isn't true! Tell me this is some kind of STIJA bullshit, right?"
Danny Loff, the founder of Sombrero Fest and a fourth-place finisher, echoed Kenney's thoughts.
"He has done all he can to malign the Beard Posse," spat Loff. "He calls us racists. He calls us a secret cell of the KKK. He describes us as Texas Rangers who want to hang Mexicans from the nearest mesquites. He says that we're nothing but puppets of Donald Trump and that the President has given us the responsibility to rid the border of the asylum seekers. He calls us Neo-Nazis. He calls us Radical Republicans. He calls us every name in the book and singles out some of our most distinguished members for vicious personal attacks. I heard former City Commissioner Cesar De Leon was hosting a Negro de Mayo celebration. Maybe he should have been selected for that distinction."
Bill Hudson, the millionaire developer and fifth-place qualifier, shook his head in disdain.
"Ridiculous," he uttered with nothing but contempt in his voice. "First of all, he isn't a damn doctor for starters. He's a drunk. He's a pot head. He's been married to half the women of Brownsville and popped the cherries of the other half. Can you believe that the BISD employed him for 39 years? That is a sad statement about our school district."
Ben Neece, the city commissioner who would have placed higher if he hadn't been born half-Mexican, urged the sour-grape losers to curb their outbursts.
"Everyone knows that Jerry isn't perfect," offered the city commissioner as he swished the wine in the bottom of his glass at The Library. "He has many admirers because he is Everyman. His imperfections are appreciated because he epitomizes all our imperfections. Yet, he doesn't allow his weaknesses to undermine his strengths and he continues to fight the good fight. He has been in the vanguard of many successful crusades during the last four decades. He has paid his dues. I believe he deserves the award. In fact, I'm working on a proclamation for him that I plan to present to him in the City Chambers."
Dr. McHale-Scully, who arrived on the border in 1975, was cited for his many contributions to education, athletics, journalism, culture, politics and the community.
Joe Kenney, the owner of Cobbleheads and the third-place finisher in the competition, expressed an acute bitterness about Dr. McHale-Scully's selection.
"You're kidding!?!?" exclaimed a disgusted Kenney. "That Irish Prick won!?!? He's fuckin' Black Irish. He ain't got no respect for nobody. He does nothing but throw gas on fires. He once wanted me to hire him as a bartender at my establishment. 'Are you fuckin' crazy!?!?' I told him. 'You would cost me my business.' Tell me this isn't true! Tell me this is some kind of STIJA bullshit, right?"
Danny Loff, the founder of Sombrero Fest and a fourth-place finisher, echoed Kenney's thoughts.
"He has done all he can to malign the Beard Posse," spat Loff. "He calls us racists. He calls us a secret cell of the KKK. He describes us as Texas Rangers who want to hang Mexicans from the nearest mesquites. He says that we're nothing but puppets of Donald Trump and that the President has given us the responsibility to rid the border of the asylum seekers. He calls us Neo-Nazis. He calls us Radical Republicans. He calls us every name in the book and singles out some of our most distinguished members for vicious personal attacks. I heard former City Commissioner Cesar De Leon was hosting a Negro de Mayo celebration. Maybe he should have been selected for that distinction."
Bill Hudson, the millionaire developer and fifth-place qualifier, shook his head in disdain.
"Ridiculous," he uttered with nothing but contempt in his voice. "First of all, he isn't a damn doctor for starters. He's a drunk. He's a pot head. He's been married to half the women of Brownsville and popped the cherries of the other half. Can you believe that the BISD employed him for 39 years? That is a sad statement about our school district."
Ben Neece, the city commissioner who would have placed higher if he hadn't been born half-Mexican, urged the sour-grape losers to curb their outbursts.
"Everyone knows that Jerry isn't perfect," offered the city commissioner as he swished the wine in the bottom of his glass at The Library. "He has many admirers because he is Everyman. His imperfections are appreciated because he epitomizes all our imperfections. Yet, he doesn't allow his weaknesses to undermine his strengths and he continues to fight the good fight. He has been in the vanguard of many successful crusades during the last four decades. He has paid his dues. I believe he deserves the award. In fact, I'm working on a proclamation for him that I plan to present to him in the City Chambers."
"I am humbled," said Dr. McHale-Scully from the historic offices of The McHale Report in downtown Brownsville. "I've never concerned myself with awards or honors. I'm not an egotistical person. I am a competitive individual and I have prevailed on more than a few occasions. I guess to the winners go the spoils. I will continue to do what I have been doing for 45 years until the something that I am becomes a nothing that I ain't."
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