COMMISSIONER NEECE UPBRAIDS BLOGGER

Commissioner Ben Neece was angry.

"You've not only deceived me, but you have deceived your many followers who depend on you for the truth," he bellowed. "You strut around like Mr. Macho Man on The McHale Report, but Facebook reduces to you a 98-pound weakling. Don't you have any self-respect?"

Ben and I go back. He has made my transitions from marriages to bachelorhood easier. He saved my ass several times when the BISD and TEA wanted to fire me for my writings. He has resolved lawsuits when my writings once again found me in hot water. We've played music together on countless occasions. One gig ended in our sudden termination. The proprietor didn't share our vision. Wine and women have come and gone, but we have faithfully stood by our sons.

"Chingao, carnal! Have all the bars closing downtown put you in a bad mood?"

"This is about your integrity, bro. You are one of the most respected voices in our community. You have gonads on The McHale Report, but Facebook castrates you. Where is the breaking news? Where are the controversial insights? Where is Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully who turns prose into poetry?"

"Writing for the blog and writing for Facebook is the difference between being single and being in a relationship. I have no one henpecking me on The McHale Report. Therefore, I can throw caution to the wind, but with Facebook, if I want to maintain the marriage, I have to compromise. How many times do I have to have my belongings thrown in the street before I learn that I'm either going to have to abide by Facebook's rules or our ties will be cut? Just like a permanent woman in your life can serve a temporary purpose, Facebook serves my purposes at this juncture. It is an outlet that I can use to my advantage, so I do my best to reconcile when we have differences."

"But you're an artist, bro. You have to stay faithful to your principles. Take this job and shove it! You have The McHale Report. Facebook is undermining your talents. I can understand kissing ass when it's your job, but when it's your art, you need to tell them to shove it up their asses. You're too good on The McHale Report to be so bad on Facebook. Why is Facebook forever silencing you?"

"I have to serve these 30-day sentences for flaunting community standards, for using hate speech, for bullying and for harassment among other social sins. It has reached a point that almost every criticism fits under one of those categories and I'm summarily banned. I have to learn to write about nothing. It can be black, bleak, cynical, banal, minimalistic and existentialistic that delves into my own solitude and insignificance with meaningless the icing on the cake, but it must avoid all themes that would prompt an anonymous complaint and once again find me exiled from Facebook. Sex can only be implied and not explicit."

"So you're saying that everything that is Donald Trump, you can't be?"

"Your question could get me canned, but exactly. Facebook forbids its contributors from angering its readers. Since there isn't something that doesn't fill at least one person or group with fury, I have to learn to publish nothing. I find the challenge of exploring nothing intriguing. Facebook has left me with no other choices if I want to continue posting here."

"And our conversation? Are you going to print it?"

"Yes. It's my first foray into the black hole of nothingness."

"You're wrong. There is substance in our dialogue. This is something."

"You don't instantly arrive at nothingness. It's like peeling back an onion. There is something to each layer until you arrive at nothing. Ultimately, Facebook will decide. Facebook may immediately conclude that receiving nothing from me realizes my goal of achieving nothingness. If the censors find that my pursuit is harmless, I will embrace the opportunity. It forces me to think differently. For those adamant in their attachment to something, there is The McHale Report."

"I'm not sure if I understand, but I find the state on not-understanding fascinating," concluded Ben on a happier note. "Let's tune the guitars and open a bottle of wine that I've been saving for a spontaneous moment. As to your new calling regarding writing about nothing, you may have found the perfect space mentally because the walls are certainly shrinking around us."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

REMI THROWS ELECTION TO BIDEN

Cameron County Elections Administrator Remi Garza is so Democratic that he bleeds blue. But how deep is his loyalty to the party? Does he rival George Parr who provided the crucial votes from Duval County that allowed Lyndon Baines Johnson to defeat Coke Stevenson for the U.S. Senate in 1948 and pave LBJ's path to the presidency? We would hope so. He knows that Trump is a cancer who is destroying our country. He knows that a figurative civil war is taking place as a result of Trump's polarizing politics that is eviscerating this nation. He knows that Trump is the epitome of evil and as a result of his many mortal sins God is punishing the United States as if we were Sodom and Gomorrah. Granted, it won't be an easy task. Trump defeated Clinton by 800,000 votes in 2016. To be on the safe side, Garza needs to find a million votes. Cameron County went for the Democrat, 60,000 to 30,000. Garza, therefore, must find 970,000 votes. Parr only had to deliver 200 votes, but Garza isn...
Read more

GROOVIN' ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON

In history there are events that change the sequence of time, the birth of Jesus Christ the most obvious example. But in communities, nations and the world there are occurrences that will serve as a reference point in the lives of individuals. There is the before and after of the earthquake. There is the before and after of the flood.  And there is the before and after of the war. As we know from personal deaths in our own families, existence subsequently changes forever. For me there will be the Coronavirus before and after. As a baby boomer, I escaped Vietnam because the country sent white trash, ghetto blacks and barrio Mexicans to do the fighting while we middle-class white boys partied through college. If I had had the combat experience, I'm sure my perspective would be different, but I didn't. With the exception of a few passings, my life has been free of trauma. I don't take this fortunate fate lightly. I knocked on my head regularly. Coronavirus, however, has perman...
Read more

JASON MOODY SITS FOR INTERVIEW

Jason "The Jackal" Moody, the new public information officer for the Brownsville Independent School District (BISD), is well-known in political circles. He has advised scores of candidates who, in the end, have usually lost to Rodrigo Moreno's Pink Ape aspirants. At The McHale Report we prefer imaginary interviews to the real thing because they don't take much time and they are more enjoyable to pen because we have more of a penchant for fiction than we do for realism although we mix them on occasion which has made Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully, our founder, famous world-wide for creating the fictional/realism genre. Our good friend Robert Sanchez contributed an inflatable woman to the blog. We filled her with air and her dimensions were quite extraordinary. Sanchez had previously baptized her Nubia and the name seem to fit her sensuous state. We sat her in a comfortable seat. Cris Valadez, ex-County Judge Carlos Cascos' former aide, is a ventriloquist. He sounds quite s...
Read more