DENISE

 Two homeless fellows were leaning against an abandoned downtown building. They have been living in Brownsville for more than a year. They like the weather and the police don't harass them. They have never bothered to learn each other's names. What for? To make life easier, they call each other Trump and Pence. They are both supporting Frankie "El Aguila"  Olivo for BISD Board Trustee. He is running against businessman Jaime "The Whiz Kid" Diez and bureaucrat Denise "La Gata" Garza.

They are supporting Olivo because he is well-educated and has vast experience in the Cameron County court system. They also appreciate his political and sports knowledge. If Olivo were to drop dead from a bullet intended for Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully, his uncle, Trump and Pence would switch their allegiance to Diez. They call him a "fine young man" and lament that he didn't select another position in which to compete.

Trump: What does "La Gata" bring to the table?

Pence: A female body.

Trump: That's not saying much. I'd take your body over hers.

Pence: She isn't that repulsive.

Trump: You're real, big guy. Everything about "La Gata" is fake. Nobody likes a fake. The president would probably call her a "hoax" among other things, but she is nothing more than a puppet. Somebody told her, maybe Minerva Peña for all I know, that the people of Brownsville are stupid and they will vote for anyone.

Pence: Juan Montoya invited me for a beer at The Library the other night because he is doing an article about Ben Neece and the kindness he shows people like ourselves. I overheard that she was run out of the BISD and had to take a lowly job as a clerk in San Benito because of her lack of education. Apparently, she is saying that it isn't important to have an education to be a BISD trustee, but I suppose she is learning the hard way that it is important to have an education in order to attain a well-paying job. Her critics say she is a hair brain, but at least she has a brain. They say that her comadre Jessica Gonzalez doesn't have a brain. Can you imagine those two sitting on the board together? Between the two of them I don't think their IQs reach three digits.

Trump: If she were a man, who would she be?

Pence: She is the spitting image of Erasmo Castro.

Trump: Do you really think so? She looks more like a Carlos Elizondo wearing a wig to me.

Pence: I've heard Viro Cardenas finds her attractive. Neither of them is married. They could gain distinction as Brownsville's Ugliest Couple.

Trump: Brownsville is a really sad town. It's filled with losers. I guess that's the reason we feel right at home. We may be down, but like our fellow adopted citizens--we ain't out.

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