EL VIRUS

We don't know if Pink Ape is coordinating Viro "El Virus" Cardenas' campaign for a seat on the BISD Board of Trustees, but if Rodrigo Moreno is trying to make lemonade out of a lemon, he is facing two important decisions this week as he designs his client's campaign posters.

His client, a wayward "buey"--who is always in trouble for his ceaseless shenanigans learned in the Whoring Hernandez School of Political Machinations (Please don't ask Ernie or Norma Hernandez the meaning of machinations)--previously ran for mayor and finished sixth in a five-person race.

He is in a four-person race this November against incumbent Phil Cowen, social activist "Auntie" Argelia Miller and the barely educated Jessica Rodriguez. The pundits are predicting a fifth or sixth place finish for "El Virus" although The Brownsville Void Publisher Booby Witless-Cervezas gives the underdog--who lives a dog's life--an outside chance at nabbing a fourth-place finish. Most experts agree that would be an extraordinary accomplishment for the man who thought he would be a somebody but was condemned by destiny to being a nobody.

If Moreno is making the final decision on Cardenas' slogan, he must recognize that his client can't hide from a contemptible reality. He knows from his vast experience that he must take a negative and turn it into a positive. Cardenas was recently arrested for a $53,000 child support debt, his daughters suffering while he was partying.

And the initial slogan: "I may not give a damn about my kids, but I'll treat your children as if they were my own."

When Cardenas' bosom body Eddie Hernandez informed his buddy that he wasn't treating his own very well, Pink Ape or whoever is in charge, edited the slogan: "Maybe I haven't been there for my girls, but I will be there for yours."

The second dilemma is the proper art for the poster. Cardenas and his collaborators are debating on which of the two photos best promotes the candidate. Maclovio O'Malley, la Voz de los Vatos, notes there isn't much to choose between the two since both were taken in orange jumpsuits after separate arrests, but he does concede there are subtle differences in the two mug shots.

"It's all about image," says O'Malley who is working the Southmost and Las Prietas barrios of behalf of BISD candidates Cowen, Joe Rodriguez, Daniella Lopez-Valdez, Eddie Garcia and Frankie Olivo. "In the first he smiles bravely, which the electorate might interpret that he is confident that the war against COVID-19 will be won.

"In the second he presents himself as being more thoughtful. He obviously hopes that the public will perceive him as a cool head in these volatile times. It would be nice to have a third picture. Is there any possibility that he will be arrested again in the next few days before the Cardenas' team has to reach a final decision?"

Regardless of the poster, Cardenas remains a longshot, but he hopes that as a member of the "Los Tres Buitres" slate he can ride the coattails of Erasmo "El Queso" Castro and Carlos "El Cobarde" Elizondo to victory.

"I hope Castro and Elizondo weren't including Cardenas in their trio with the hopes they could ride El Virus' coattails because the fool who has no business overseeing any school is down to his briefs that barely cover his miniscule tool," sniggered O'Malley.

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