GBIC SUCKS DICK

Scott Steinbeck, the managing editor for The McHale Report, called Jack O'Connell, the great unpublished novelist. The latter took a seat next to his boss's desk 30 minutes later.

Scott: I want you to do a story on GBIC?

Jack: I thought the organization disbanded after Laura Matamoros resigned to run the Hidalgo County counterpart.

Scott: I know that GBIC's CEO Mario Lozoya hasn't been the same. He's been moping around like a cock who has lost his hen. He's not doing much crowing these days. Laura was a beauty, but she didn't have a damn brain in her head. Hidalgo is going to discover that they have a real bimbo on their hands who will demand a new SUV every year. But that's my opinion. You don't have to include those comments in your article unless you attribute them to Maclovio O'Malley, la Voz de los Vatos.

Jack: But there is nothing to report. They receive $5 million annually from the taxpayers, but those funds are committed. Former Mayor Tony Martinez convinced GBIC to contribute millions for years to the airport that went from a $20 million to a $60 million undertaking. Another $100 million Tenaska scandal if you ask me because a terminal has no use if you don't have passenger flights. By the time GBIC meets all its commitments, Lozoya and his two do-nothings, Ramiro Aleman and Karla de la Riva, spend all their time talking big and doing little because you can't accomplish much with chump change.

Scott: What about the board? GBIC expanded from five to seven members. There must be discord between some of the members? You're always great at dredging up something out of nothing. I need controversy. We need to upset people. I need you to hurt somebody's feelings. We're not in the cry-on-my-shoulder business unless it's one of those nubile Matamoros lasses crossing the bridge to give blood because she can't make ends meet.

Jack: It's a six-one board.

Scott: I knew I could count on you. I assume they all think that Lozoya is an arrogant fool. Who is the one?

Jack: Graham Sevier-Schultz, the chairman. Jason Wolfe, Pedro Cardenas, Esteban Guerra, Dennis Sanchez Sandra Duran and Nico Schaefer think he's out in left field. Instead of following the charter and creating jobs, he comes up with these hair-brained ideas about opening nursery schools and loan offices. He's one of those liberals who would be in Portland protesting the Trump tyranny except he has to babysit the kids while his physician wife brings home the bucks.

Scott: I always get confused between GBIC and BCIC. Which one is Type A and which one is Type B?

Jack: GBIC is Type A: Their mission is to concentrate on manufacturing and industrial development. BCIC is Type B and focuses on quality of life projects. Graham's colleagues dismiss him as irrelevant because he has a Type B mentality when he is overseeing a Type A organization.

Scott: What is your overall opinion of GBIC?

Jack: From Titan Tire to BEDC, it has failed our community time and time again. GBIC is one big fiasco wrapped in a boondoggle. God knows the millions it has wasted, but the insiders have gotten theirs, the Herald ignores the shenanigans and business continues as usual.

Scott: You got a joint? I feel like going out into the alley and clearing my mind of the insignificant.

Jack: Sure. What about the story? I don't feel like talking to that asshole Lozoya. He thinks he's a macho, but he's a mouse who gets his kicks scaring the shot out of pobrecita Assistant City Manager Helen Ramirez.

Scott: Is Helen the one who looks like a fly, but a cute fly?

Jack: That's her. She's the one that City Manager Noel Bernal gets to swat every day.

Scott: I believed we covered the waterfront in our conversation. Let's get inspired and then you can summarize our discussion. We'll throw a picture of Mr. America at the top of the article and we'll go for lunch because I'll be in a munchie mood.

Just another slow news day at The McHale Report's office on Washington Street in historic downtown Brownsville.

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