JOE VALDEZ

Trump once again reaffirmed his greatness when the COVID-19 death toll surpassed 150,000. Will he reach his coveted 200,000 by November 3 when he hopes to retain the presidency by a difference between 150,000 and 200,000 votes?

What are his future goals? He has passed the 110,000 deaths in WWI. A megalomaniac of lofty ambitions, Trump believes that one more term in office will certainly assure that he surpasses the 400,000 deaths attributed to WWII. He admits that the approximately 675,000 dead from the Spanish Flu in 1918 and the 700,000 fatalities from the Civil War are longshots, but he reminds his fanatical followers that nobody thought Lou Gehrig's record of playing in 2,130 consecutive games would ever be broken until Cal Ripkin shattered the mark with his 2,632-game streak.

"I am claiming Muhammad Ali's title," Trump said via Zoom to a gathering of Klansmen, Neo-Nazis, racist Republicans and rednecks. "I am officially declaring that 'I am the Greatest.' The fascist press will lose their minds fulminating--I can use big words too if they are on the teleprompter--that I have put myself in the ranks of Washington and Lincoln, but if the haters would objectively study the facts, they would discover that I have done more for our nation than Washington and Lincoln combined."

In order to cement his reputation, Trump includes that Coronavirus has infected 4,500,000 Americans in less than six months. He is counting on this figure to significantly enhance his death toll numbers. To his delight, there is no end in sight with 1,000 dying daily. Of course, we can't blame all the pandemic on the perverted president. If certain citizens choose to follow his example and discard masks, hug and kiss everyone they meet and gather in large groups to either praise God or drink beer, then they have to take responsibility if they appear as figures in either of the two categories or excite Trump by appearing in both.

Joe Valdez, a BISD educator and coach, a law enforcement veteran and an entrepreneur specializing in the best Texas barbecue on the border, fed Trump's case figures when he found himself growing sicker and sicker each day. Three times he went to the hospital and three times he was sent home. Valley Regional Medical Center was overflowing with patients, space at such a premium that the lobby was packed with beds.

"First of all, glory to God and the power of prayer," said Valdez attached to an oxygen tube and breathing heavily in a riveting interview on Erasmo Castro and Frankie Olivo's Brownsville Calls.
"The Lord isn't done with me. I am a surviving testimony to this disease's lethalness. Our community needs to know. I lived through a nightmare during the nine days I was hospitalized. I shared a room with four other patients and during that time I heard my fellow patients gasping for air as they took their last breaths, I saw them placed in body bags and I estimate that 20 persons died in that same room. I thought I had seen everything in law enforcement, but nothing prepared me for this experience, particularly when I thought my number might be next."

The fourth time Valdez went to the hospital a former student recognized that his teacher wasn't just another Trump stat. He flagged down a doctor who took his vitals and immediately determined that Valdez needed prompt attention. Staff wheeled him down long corridors with patients lining the walls. Valdez could only compare the scene to a stark depiction of human misery in a horror movie that exceeded his ability to comprehend. He noted that a Hollywood production would be hard-pressed to capture the gruesome images he was experiencing firsthand. Besides testing positive for COVID-19, Alaniz was diagnosed with Guillain Barre Syndrome.

"COVID-19 is vicious," continued Valdez. "The list is endless, but heart attacks and strokes are not uncommon and there can be permanent damage to a person's lungs or kidneys or other vital organs. In my particular malady, I noticed that I couldn't feel my feet and the numbness slowly crept up my body. I couldn't feel my abdomen as the paralysis continued to grow. If I hadn't received prompt help, I would have died because the condition will shut down your organs.

"The ordeal was terrible. The next three days took me to the edge. I have nothing but respect for the medical staff, but they are overwhelmed. There was only one nurse for the multiple patients in my room. One night I heard two nurses conversing that they were fearful the hospital was going to run out of its oxygen supply. For those who insist the pandemic is a hoax, this is real, folks. For those who pass, they pass alone. I can't conceive of a more tragic end. I was lucky. My bed was next to a window and I could see my family and fiancée waving to me from the parking lot. Their support made a difference."

Valdez has been discharged, but he estimates that his rehabilitation may range from six to twelve months. He is only now slurring less. With Coronavirus raging, he can't imagine the schools reopening for person-to-person instruction. He can't conceive that there would be any fall sports or other extracurricular activities. He felt he had an obligation to appear on the popular podcast in order to send the message that all our lives are threatened if the community doesn't take the proper precautions. There are many Brownsville Herald readers who fault the dying daily for refusing keep a daily count of the pandemic as well as not featuring more individuals telling their stories so the city would awaken to the hardcore reality that we are the hottest spot in Texas in one of the hottest states in the country.

"We must respect this disease," emphasized Valdez. "It is virulently contagious and it knows no boundaries. I have a heart condition, so I had hunkered down at home since the outbreak. Between building a fence and constructing a stable, I had plenty to occupy myself. Except for grocery shopping, I wasn't leaving my house. How did I get infected? My 21-year-old daughter, who has severe asthma and was limiting compromising situations, is a TSC cadet and would meet with her fellow classmates. They abided by the proper protocol, but she was informed that two of the students had tested positive. My daughter took the test and her result was positive. That's my best determination for my fate. Regardless, this disease can come at you from a thousand angles. Without a vaccine, we have no idea the many months, perhaps years, we will have to deal with this grim reaper."

As bad as it is that Trump contributes to the pandemic's spread as president, we can only give thanks that he isn't our personal physician. Besides promoting that warm weather would kill the disease or that bleach would cleanse our bodies of its presence or a miracle was going to make everything right again among several other nutty nostrums, Trump has been insistent that the malaria drug hydroxychloroquin is a cure for COVID-19 despite his own medical experts debunking the assertion. Trump, refusing to accept that he knows nothing about medicine, retweeted a Nigerian educated doctor practicing in Houston that a cocktail of Trump's favorite drug with a dash of Zithromax and zinc knocked out Coronavirus. Donald Jr. also retweeted the doctor's magic potion whose critics contend via her outlandish statements that she is more qualified to practice voodoo than medicine.

When Twitter, Facebook and YouTube discovered that this quack--Dr. Stella Immanuel--was propagating that demon sperm was contaminating humanity, that scientists were testing an antibody that would make people immune to religious teachings, that the devil was responsible for venereal diseases and female infertility and that aliens' DNA was being introduced into medical studies among other crazy notions she regularly propagates, the three internet giants cut her off as they have been doing with Trump in recent weeks. She promptly responded that God and Jesus would cause computers to crash throughout the world if they didn't reinstate her expertise.

Apparently, God and Jesus are more preoccupied ridding the world of Trump and Immanuel before the faithful begin to question the Father and Son's competence. As much as both like to dump on humanity that the latter are responsible for their own plight, those of us who were created in the image and likeness of the pair aren't sharing in the blame for God and Jesus breathing life into Trump and the wackos who follow the Perverted Piper in hopes that they will experience Armageddon in their lifetimes and the dire prophecies of Revelations will prove self-fulfilling. To our chagrin we are discovering that like the deluded Jews there is irrefutable evidence that we aren't the Chosen People after all except when it comes to Coronavirus selecting its favorite victims.

And the Holy Ghost? Isn't he part of this sacred trinity? Apparently, he is the black sheep of the family who spends his days smoking dope and checking out the young babes who have made it past St. Peter's groping hands and are looking for a good time after enduring the agony of their own deaths. If they are COVID-19 victims, however, the Holy Ghost won't grab them by their pussies. He leaves them to the Islamic terrorists who believe they are being rewarded for their suicidal stupidity with virgins. Though the Holy Ghost enjoys eternal life, he doesn't want to spend his timeless time ill. His heavenly harem offers him plenty of variety and quality; he doesn't have to risk his health on a COVID chick.