REMI THROWS ELECTION TO BIDEN

Cameron County Elections Administrator Remi Garza is so Democratic that he bleeds blue. But how deep is his loyalty to the party? Does he rival George Parr who provided the crucial votes from Duval County that allowed Lyndon Baines Johnson to defeat Coke Stevenson for the U.S. Senate in 1948 and pave LBJ's path to the presidency?

We would hope so. He knows that Trump is a cancer who is destroying our country. He knows that a figurative civil war is taking place as a result of Trump's polarizing politics that is eviscerating this nation. He knows that Trump is the epitome of evil and as a result of his many mortal sins God is punishing the United States as if we were Sodom and Gomorrah.

Granted, it won't be an easy task. Trump defeated Clinton by 800,000 votes in 2016. To be on the safe side, Garza needs to find a million votes. Cameron County went for the Democrat, 60,000 to 30,000. Garza, therefore, must find 970,000 votes. Parr only had to deliver 200 votes, but Garza isn't intimidated by the challenge because he thinks big and he recognizes that so much is at stake.

There are easily 100,000 eligible voters who don't go to the polls. He collects those. (870,000) He coordinates with Hidalgo County that went with Hillary, 120,000 to 50,000. (800,000). There are another 150,000 registered voters in Hidalgo that just need their ballots marked. (650,000)

Starr and Willacy sided with Clinton, 10,000 to 2,000 and 3,500 to 1,500 respectively. (640,000) Starr, fortunately, is one of the most cartel controlled counties in the state and Garza knows Starr can manufacture 40,000 votes as it has done in Mexican presidential elections for decades. (600,000)

And thus Garza comes face to face with a harsh reality: Where the fuck does he dig up 600,000 votes? Aha! There is part of the answer. Just in the cemeteries from Brownsville to Rio Grande City, from McAllen to Raymondville, there are an estimated 400,000 graves, some of the deceased dating back to 1848. If Jesus Christ can rise from the dead to save mankind, then these cadavers can resume life as zombies for a brief hour or two and save mankind from the Satan Trump. (200,000)

Where does Garza finally discover the remaining individuals who will furnish the winning difference? Where does a son turn when he is his most desperate? To his mother? Matamoros gave birth to Brownsville. Reynosa suckled McAllen. Rio Camargo raised Rio Grande City. If Garza approaches them humbly as the prodigal son, they will embrace him and deliver him a treasure trove of dual citizens who will inundate the county seats in mail-in votes, 200,000 to be exact.

Though he will never be given his proper credit if he is successful because he prefers anonymity, Remi Garza in Juan Montoya's memoires will be remembered as the single most important Democrat who engineered Joe Biden's presidency, a presidency that not only saved the U.S., but saved the world.

Not everyone has a chance to be a hero. Remi, a person in the right place at the right time, has the power to save humanity. With his love for fellow man, we are confident that he will prove that Don Quijote could have defeated windmills if the latter had only read that David's miraculously prevailed against Goliath in spite of the overwhelming odds.

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