THE HERALD DIES

As a statistician I have found an intriguing correlation relating to the decline of the Brownsville Herald's readership. I tested various theories but couldn't come up with a definitive answer initially.

The Mexican-American population in Brownsville remains at about the same percentage of the total population as it was in the fifties when readership was at an all-time high. So, I do not believe the Herald's racist policies are to blame.

Adult literacy has improved immensely, but readership had declined. Obviously, no relationship there.

Population has tripled, but the opposite has happened to readership.

I was puzzled by these results until I spoke with a city planner. He provided me with an interesting insight which may account for the phenomenon.

The number of housing permits continues to rise, but all the new structures are built with indoor plumbing. That was not true in the fifties. Outhouses are still within the greater Brownsville area, but they have become a rarity.

I then compared the declining readership graph to a graph of the declining number of outhouses in the Brownsville area. Eureka! It appears that as the outhouses are being phased out, the need for the Brownsville Herald with its piss-poor reporting as toilet paper is no longer a necessity.

If only cats and dogs wiped their asses.

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