VIRUS

Look at this façade of a man and you will comprehend one of the many reasons that Brownsville is the Third World Capital of the United States. Viro "El Virus" Cardenas, a balding, pot-bellied, part-time mechanic wannabe, believed he possessed the qualifications to be mayor. 

Frequently observed in drinking establishments spewing nonsense, he thought he could be the leader just because he could convince dumb chicks to do his bidding after they had succumbed to the insipid whisperings in their ears.

Brownsville is filled with con men like Cardenas, but he has certainly carved out his own niche at the bottom of the heap. Apparently the public agreed after they observed his campaign poster with his hands in the obscene pose of a vagina. In a five-person race for mayor, he finished sixth. 

He thought his mother's coattails as a longtime waitress at the Vermillion were so long he could ride her reputation to victory. Deeply embarrassed by the results and recognizing that even a Robert Uresti could beat him, he has disappeared into anonymity although he did attain another 15 minutes of infamy over a missing money incident at Sombrero Fest that was quietly resolve.

But this year's school board promises to entice the rats, snakes, spiders and cockroaches from their dark, hidden places. Like his mentor Ernie "The Eel" Hernandez, "El Virus" has been looking for the opportunity to shed his nobody image and convince himself that he is a somebody. Only a true fool doesn't recognize his true self in the mirror, but we can sympathize: Who wants to accept that the ugly reflection is reality. 

It will be an uphill battle. We have heard that even his ex-wife would campaign against him. We can only hope that he doesn't utilize his mother's tips to finance this undertaking. He was born a loser and he will die a loser. Like Carlos "El Cobarde" Elizondo, he likes to issue threats against the blogs when he has drunk too much, but nobody pays him any attention because it is common knowledge that worms riddle his mescal-sodden brain.  

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